scomitch:

look at how cute he is. like how could you not love him

(via theteenpauladeen)

notallwugs:

Two scientists walk into a bar:

"I’ll have an H2O."

"I’ll have an H2O, too."

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position as well as pragmatic context.

(via orgasmic-humor)

nuggetfucker98:

I SIGNED A PETITION TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. IF I HAVE EVER DONE ANYTHING IN MY LIFE, IT WAS TO HELP TURN THIS ONE PARK IN VANCOUVER CANADA INTO DUDE CHILLING PARK

(Source: loesr, via orgasmic-humor)

sschol:

this is from spy kids

(Source: nasturbate, via orgasmic-humor)

  • Baby: m..m..m-
  • Mother: memes?
  • Baby: mama
  • Mother:
  • Mother: that's not gonna get me any notes you little disappointment

andrewbelami:

prasejeebus:

These jokes are getting out of hand

goodbye

(via zackisontumblr)

zackisontumblr:

i have 3 moods:

  • skips every song on my ipod
  • lets the music play without interruption
  • plays the same song on repeat for days

(via zackisontumblr)

Conversation with my very religious mother

  • Me: did you know that it is a sin to wear that shirt and you could go to hell?
  • Mom:
  • Me: I mean it has mixed fabrics.
  • Me: According to the bible, that's a sin.
  • Mom: show me where it says that
  • Me: levictus 19:19
  • "'Keep my decrees.
  • “‘Do not mate different kinds of animals.
  • “‘Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed.
  • “‘Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.
  • Mom:
  • Mom:
  • Mom: well just because it says that doesn't mean you can say its a sin and we'll go to hell
  • Me: so why are people doing that with homosexuality

(Source: ruinedchildhood, via foodless)

hot-potato-cold-bazooka:

hot-potato-cold-bazooka:

So I’m moving into a new apartment, and I was told that the room had been damaged, but nothing could have prepared me for the fact that someone had carved Li Shang’s head out of the bathroom door and written “We must defeat the Huns!” on it.

image

(via foodless)

nation-of-homeskillets:

The ladies can’t handle me

(via jraphic)